Moof\’s Meme

If you haven\’t heard, Moof is back.  Moof is the blogger who \”discovered\” me (kind of like the first person to discover the cause of Mange) and told the rest of the world to STAY AWAY.  Alas, kids will be kids, and they came anyway. 

She had to take some time off to clear her guilty conscience for inflicting my blog on the rest of the world, but now she is back.  As she eases back into blogging, she started out with a Meme of 45 questions that someone asked someone at some point in time.  There does not seem to be much rhyme or reason to the questions, but in honor of Moofie, I will do my own answers.

Here\’s to you, Moof.  Sorry about all that guilt you have to carry around.

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1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing?

I don\’t think salads look good in blue.  I prefer them dressed in beige cheese.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?

No, but I have smoked salmon.  Dang, I hope my mom doesn\’t read this.

3. Do you own a gun?

After being attacked by an packet of Kool Aid, I decided my home should be well armed with squirt guns.  So far we have not had any more attacks (although some Crystal Light nearly got in last week).

4. Your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty?

Triple Ritalin Latte with whipped cream.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

Of course not.  Doctors are friendly people who are trying to help me.  They are all so kind and gentle, why would I be scared?

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

I think it is a travesty that they were not elected to public office.  During the general election, I think that we should do a write-in campaign for hot dogs.

7. Favorite Christmas song?

The jingle on that commercial where Santa rides on that electric razor.  I get tears thinking about it.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

I try not to drink before 11 AM.  What sort of lush do you think I am??

9. Can you do push ups?

Aren\’t you pushing down in that exercise?  I am very good at laying on my back and pushing my arms up, if that\’s what you are asking.  I am also quite good at eating push-up ice cream treats.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?

My tongue stud.  Now I really hope my mom is not reading this.

11. Favorite hobby?

Painting poodles.  When I was a child I used to have a mortal fear of poodles.  I would awaken with nightmares that I had little poofy things at the ends of my arms and legs.  To help me with this mortal fear, my dad thought that painting poodles would allow me to overcome this fear.  It largely worked, except that now I occasionally awaken from nightmares of giant poodles with spray paint.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?

Come on….are you serious??

13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?

My rejection of Quantum Physics.  I wish I could just accept it and move on with my life.

14. Middle name?

Toaster-Oven.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?

1) Hey, is that noise from the hallway?  Those footsteps….soft and padding on the floor.  Now the shaking of a spray paint can….No…No…No Fifi…I didn\’t do it!!
2) Which exact moment?  The one right now, or the one that happened as I read the question about the exact moment?
3) I haven\’t written about llamas in a while.
4) Am I in trouble for having a 4th thought?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?

There are too many questions about my drinking.  This is making me feel really uncomfortable – like you know something about me that I don\’t want anyone else to know.  I won\’t give in (because I think my mom is reading).

17. Current worry right now?

Nose hair.

18. Current hate right now?

Question #14.  I am not sure why, but it just gets my blood boiling.

19. Favorite place to be?

I-95, exit 244a.  They have a Stuckey\’s there.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?

Um, I didn\’t do that.  It kind of came on its own. 

21. Like to travel?

Nope.  I\’d rather just stay in my drab existence.

22. Name three people who will complete this?

Fred, Phil Moscowitz, Dick Chaney.

23. Do you own slippers?

Gas powered ones with little poofy things on the tips of the toes.

24. What color shirt are you wearing?

It was yellow until Fifi got a hold of me.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

No.  But I like to use them as a Slip \’n Slide.

26. Can you whistle?

Yes, but when I do I tend to attract poodles.  Believe me, I don\’t want that.

27. Favorite color?

I won\’t answer that on political grounds.

28. Would you be a pirate?

No, but I dream of one day being Cap\’n Crunch.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?

Gregorian Chants

30. Favorite girl’s name?

Electrolux

31. Favorite boy’s name?

Pookie.

32. What’s in your pocket right now?

Yogurt.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?

The zany and madcap antics of that crazy Al Gore.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?

Ones my brother didn\’t wet.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had?

Got my spleen caught in a zipper.

36. Do you love where you live?

I love it.  Especially the free continental breakfast every morning.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?

As a practical joke, someone from Wisconsin is shipping TV sets to our house every 3-4 days.  This has been going on for a few years, so we now have about 1800.

38. Who is your loudest friend?

Bob Barker.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?

Yes.  Millions do.  You would too if you knew what I knew.

41. What is your favorite book?

The instruction manual for my circular saw.  The part about replacing the carbide blade always cracks me up.

42 What is your favorite candy?

Imitation grape flavored flav-R-chews

43. Favorite Sports Team?

Mongolian Hockey team.  Go Pillaging Hoard!!!!

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night?

Space walking.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?

Is there any way to get blue spray paint off of a shirt?

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There it is.  I hope your life is better for it.  I won\’t tag anyone, but if you recover from the nausea you might just try it yourself.  Just stay away from Fifi.