I am not sure if you are absolutely clueless or have a mean-streak, but your \”friend,\” and my patient came into my office in tears. She feels betrayed and abandoned in her terribly difficult situation.
Perhaps you have forgotten what it is like to have kids. Do you think it is easy to see your child self-destruct in front of your eyes? Yes, I know that parents can make this worse by \”enabling\” them, but do you think it is easy to pull back? Personally I think that she is doing very well at balancing the need to pull back and the impulse to be a mother. She is doing better than I would. This is her son going committing slow suicide before her eyes. I can\’t imagine the pain.
I find it very disturbing to see how quickly people feel they could live another person\’s life better than it is being lived. No, I find it sickening. It is the pinnacle of arrogance to assume that you would do any better if you had the same life experiences and traumas that she is doing. She does not need to be told how to live her life, she needs compassion. Compassion means you identify with the emotion and feel it alongside of this sweet woman. She is torn up. She is battered and bruised. And all you can do is tell her what a mess she made? She showed you her open wound and you threw acid on it. Shame on you!
You don\’t realize how deeply you have hurt her, but I saw it in the exam room. She won\’t sob in front of you – she would be afraid you would criticize her tears. She won\’t even express pain to you. You have cut yourself off from her by poisoning one of the only sources of comfort she had. Now she doesn\’t know where to turn. She doesn\’t know where to go for comfort. She is distraught and destroyed.
You probably feel very smart and righteous in your proclamation of your opinion, but I see you as foolish and utterly selfish. Is life a game of who is the smartest? Is life a contest of who can make the most \”good decisions?\” No, life is about caring for those who come to us with needs, hurts, and loneliness.
I do hope you learn, although I suspect you will have to go through hell to really understand what this sweet woman is feeling. I pity you. I also feel like planting my fist in your face for what you did to her (no, I would never do it, but just thinking about what you have done fills me with rage).
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are the poor in spirit.
Blessed are the peace-makers.
I pray that she finds comfort. I hope that you find reality.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rob
Throughout my career I was regularly astonished at what “friends” would say to people about the health issue for which I was caring for them. Absolutely amazing. Your outrage is shared, not to mention well-said!
Throughout my career I was regularly astonished at what “friends” would say to people about the health issue for which I was caring for them. Absolutely amazing. Your outrage is shared, not to mention well-said!
Sometimes the people who love you–friends and family–have an agenda for you. This can lead them to say hurtful things and do things that are unhelpful or, worse, unsupportive. Thank you for taking this patient’s side.
Sometimes the people who love you–friends and family–have an agenda for you. This can lead them to say hurtful things and do things that are unhelpful or, worse, unsupportive. Thank you for taking this patient’s side.
kudos Dr Rob… we need so many more people like you in this world 🙂
I’m happy this person has you to turn to, in your capacity.
kudos Dr Rob… we need so many more people like you in this world 🙂
I’m happy this person has you to turn to, in your capacity.
Very raw post Rob but extremely moving. Part of me feels for the woman but the other part wonders if you’re talking to me. We all have that little part that sits in judgement and I can’t say it’s something to be proud of. Anyway, the post speaks to the reader in more ways than one. Ian.
Very raw post Rob but extremely moving. Part of me feels for the woman but the other part wonders if you’re talking to me. We all have that little part that sits in judgement and I can’t say it’s something to be proud of. Anyway, the post speaks to the reader in more ways than one. Ian.
Agreed on the Kudo’s … how another human can do this to another is beyond me.
And kudo’s for being there for this young woman.
Agreed on the Kudo’s … how another human can do this to another is beyond me.
And kudo’s for being there for this young woman.
Mean people suck. :-/ Broad are the gates, man…
Mean people suck. :-/ Broad are the gates, man…
Wow, I can’t remember a time I’ve seen you write with such intensity. I’m almost afraid to leave a comment, but I agree with you 100%. That poor woman. How sad for her to have been treated this way. She should be able to turn to a friend, and have them support her, no matter what it was about. I’m glad she had someone like you there though. It’s a horrible thing when someone you need to lean on burns you like that.
Wow, I can’t remember a time I’ve seen you write with such intensity. I’m almost afraid to leave a comment, but I agree with you 100%. That poor woman. How sad for her to have been treated this way. She should be able to turn to a friend, and have them support her, no matter what it was about. I’m glad she had someone like you there though. It’s a horrible thing when someone you need to lean on burns you like that.
As the mother of a son who is also on the path of self-destruction, thank you for your words. None of my close friends have said such things to me, but acquaintances have. I’ve heard it all and what always amazes me is that people think they are telling you something that no one else has pounded into your head. I know there are decisions that I could make to cut him loose, but they are against every maternal instinct that’s DNA coded in my being. It’s hard. So very, very hard. And every time I think about it, I am wracked with pain.
As the mother of a son who is also on the path of self-destruction, thank you for your words. None of my close friends have said such things to me, but acquaintances have. I’ve heard it all and what always amazes me is that people think they are telling you something that no one else has pounded into your head. I know there are decisions that I could make to cut him loose, but they are against every maternal instinct that’s DNA coded in my being. It’s hard. So very, very hard. And every time I think about it, I am wracked with pain.