So here we are again after a long hiatus (not the hernia kind, just a break of time…although I have been belching a lot lately). There are some serious questions that have piled up (in a cyber-sort of way), so let\’s get at them.
![\"Construction\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/construction.jpg\")
Pikmin, from South Carolina asks the following:
What\’s the deal with Webkinz? There are signs all over saying \”Webkinz are here.\” Should I be afraid? They are kind of cute, so I can\’t imagine they are that bad. What do you think?
Thank you, Pikmin, for asking such a timely question. Nothing could be more serious than the discussion of the Webkinz epidemic. MRSA, Flu, RSV, and other scary infections are nothing compared to the way in which Webkinz have rampaged through our communities.
Now, I am sure there are some readers out there who are unaware of the whole Webkinz phenomenon. Let me catch you up on the facts as I know them. My first sighting of a Webkinz sign was approximately a year ago, when I drove past a Walgreen\’s pharmacy with the sign \”Webkinz are here.\” From sources that I cannot disclose I have since learned that Webkinz have been around for several years.
![\"yoursign2\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/yoursign2.jpg\")
On the outside, it looks like Webkinz are cute little fuzzy animals that you pay in the neighborhood of $16 for. Each animal has a tag with a name and number on it which allows you to go the the website (www.webkinz.com) and access various online activities that you can do with a cyber-form of your stuffed animal. It sounds innocent; in fact, it sounds like an incredibly clever marketing scheme, as the more Webkinz you buy, the more stuff online you have access to. Wow. Only in America!
Not so fast. Doing more digging has revealed to me the sinister truth about the whole Webkinz phenomenon: it is a viral infection that is the result of a genetically manipulated form of the Ebola virus (done by Dr. Fred Webb and Dr. Natalie Kinzy). The Webkinz virus causes one of the most contagious and persistent infections known to man.
The reaction to this infection depends greatly on the age of the Victim. Adults infected with the Webkinz virus are prone to do the following:
- Easily give in to requests of little girls
- Think that spending $16 on a stuffed animal is reasonable
- Be oblivious to long hours spent online by children
- Crave sardines.
For some reason, young boys and teens seem to be immune to this infection, although there have been some reports at irritability and nausea whenever around those infected, so some theorize that the Webkinz infection is just milder in these demographic groups.
![\"yoursign3\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/yoursign3.jpg\")
Young girls, however, have the most dramatic signs of infection of any group. Symptoms of a Webkinz infection in these patients include the following:
- Frequent utterances of \”awwwww\” whenever stuffed animals are nearby
- An insatiable appetite for any variety of stuffed animals, including dogs, cats, horses, gophers, amebas, sea-cucumbers, unicorns, wraiths, hippos, worms, and fruit flies (to name a few).
- Ever increasing lapses into the \”Webkinz Frenzy,\” where the patient becomes fixated on a certain stuffed animal (a walrus, for instance) and gives up eating, sleeping, and other important bodily functions while being entranced with the thought of this animal and begging all who can hear for $16 to buy them.
- Foot odor.
![\"Word_Puzzle\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/word-puzzle.jpg\")
The astute reader may notice the similarity of this infection to other phenomena in our past, such as the great Cabbage-Patch infection of the 1980\’s, in which adults would find the sudden urge to buy an extremely ugly doll, being willing to maim and kill anyone who got in their way. This was actually a result of one of a Soviet-made virus, and it nearly succeeded at destroying the culture in the west. Other similar infections in the past thought to be the result of sinister genetic engineering experiments include:
- Teletubbies Encephalitis (causing severe brain damage)
![\"HRPufnstuf\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/hrpufnstuf-thumb.jpg\")
H. R. Pufnstuf Toxicosis (as pictured on right)- The Barney Mutation (Grotesque)
- The Olsen Twins (Scary one, that one was)
- Precious Moments (The minions of Satan, as we all know)
- Milwaukee Brewers Fever
- Pink Eye
![\"HRPufnstuf\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/hrpufnstuf.jpg\")
So is there a cure or treatment for Webkinz? Sadly, there is no known treatment, so the epidemic runs unchecked. Some have suggested that this will fade in the same way as the Cabbage-Patch infection did, but others fear that it may first bankrupt the west. At least 70% of the current credit crisis is felt to be due to money spent on stuffed animals.
Researchers are looking at a possible immunization against this infection, but unfortunately the research labs have gone broke as the scientists themselves spent all their grant money on stuffed monkeys.
![\"yoursign\"](\"http://distractible.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/yoursign.jpg\")
So, little Pikmin of South Carolina, I suggest you run for your life from this infection. The consequences of not doing so can be devastating. Trust me on this one.
Gotta run now. I have to go to Walgreen\’s. Anyone got $16 I can borrow?
Thanks for the Question! Remember to send your questions to: dr.rob.questions@gmail.com
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dang, thanks for alerting me to this Dr. Rob.
I have a boy-child and a boyish teen, we are perhaps a low-risk group for Webkinz infection. I would have thought myself immune, but just followed your link to the Webkinz site. Awwww. They are soooo cute.
Gotta go eat some sardines. Mmmm-mmmm, mustard-packed.
luv,
tl
dang, thanks for alerting me to this Dr. Rob.
I have a boy-child and a boyish teen, we are perhaps a low-risk group for Webkinz infection. I would have thought myself immune, but just followed your link to the Webkinz site. Awwww. They are soooo cute.
Gotta go eat some sardines. Mmmm-mmmm, mustard-packed.
luv,
tl
Sadly, my nieces have been infected. I’ve never seen anything like it. They are taking over their rooms, multiplying faster than we can fathom. They’ve gone from the shelves, to the desks, to the beds…is there any cure?
Sadly, my nieces have been infected. I’ve never seen anything like it. They are taking over their rooms, multiplying faster than we can fathom. They’ve gone from the shelves, to the desks, to the beds…is there any cure?
It is to puke.
It is to puke.
I thought I had gotten over the H. R. Pufnstuf Toxicosis.. but that picture has brought back the horror of it all… aaarrggggggg
I thought I had gotten over the H. R. Pufnstuf Toxicosis.. but that picture has brought back the horror of it all… aaarrggggggg
I have never heard of this webkinz thing you speak of. Our sons are 19 and 27.
We do have a 6 yr old granddaughter though. Hmmm…don’t think she has the fever yet.
Thanks for the warning. 😉
I have never heard of this webkinz thing you speak of. Our sons are 19 and 27.
We do have a 6 yr old granddaughter though. Hmmm…don’t think she has the fever yet.
Thanks for the warning. 😉
I cannot believe that after reading this post, I myself went to the web site to see what all the flap is about . . . Do you think I got a mild case of the infection just by reading your post?!
Chris and Vic
I cannot believe that after reading this post, I myself went to the web site to see what all the flap is about . . . Do you think I got a mild case of the infection just by reading your post?!
Chris and Vic
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LOL, I’m not sure that the Webkins virus has hit the Australian shores yet. Maybe I should declare myself bankrupt before Winter comes.
LOL, I’m not sure that the Webkins virus has hit the Australian shores yet. Maybe I should declare myself bankrupt before Winter comes.
I thought H.R. Pufnstuf Toxicosis had been wiped out – with the advent of modern vaccines. Then I saw “Yo Gabba Gabba”, obviously not everyone has been vaccinated as they should have been, probably those who believe the autism/vaccine link.
I thought H.R. Pufnstuf Toxicosis had been wiped out – with the advent of modern vaccines. Then I saw “Yo Gabba Gabba”, obviously not everyone has been vaccinated as they should have been, probably those who believe the autism/vaccine link.
Devaluation alert!
Webkinz are now on-sale at Ace Hardware for $12.99 here in the midwest USA.
Chris and Vic
Devaluation alert!
Webkinz are now on-sale at Ace Hardware for $12.99 here in the midwest USA.
Chris and Vic
Does the HR Puffnstuf Toxicosis seem indicated if the females in question are all gooshy over things like Minbeari, Beeblebears and plush Cthulhus?
Does the HR Puffnstuf Toxicosis seem indicated if the females in question are all gooshy over things like Minbeari, Beeblebears and plush Cthulhus?
we think this is a bunch of bologna. We have webkinz. Together we have over twenty. This is just a scam to make people stop buying webkinz. If you look at us we look fine. We eat. sleep, and play everything normal kids should do. This website is a fake. We hate u
we think this is a bunch of bologna. We have webkinz. Together we have over twenty. This is just a scam to make people stop buying webkinz. If you look at us we look fine. We eat. sleep, and play everything normal kids should do. This website is a fake. We hate u
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